Being pregnant hasn't really helped the situation. The once enormous post-mastectomy bra is now struggling to keep up with the pregnancy changes. And the "first form," which was once larger than my breast, now looks teeny tiny. As a result, I look pretty lopsided. Add in to the mix that fact that I'm still getting used to having just one breast plus all the physical changes of pregnancy and you end up in a pretty weird place when it comes to body image. At a time when I'm supposed to feel my most womanly, I'm missing a breast and everyone can tell something is up in the boobage department. Le sigh.
Today it hit me: I need to stuff my bra!!
Now I am no stranger to bra stuffing. When I was fourteen I stole my mother's shoulder pads so I could attempt to fill out my cotillion dress. I revived the practice on and off until I finally discovered the push-up bra when I was 25. It's still in my drawer, I just can't bring myself to throw it away.
First I took a fluffy sock and stuffed my bra with it. Too big. I was lopsided but in the other direction. Next try: a trouser sock.
I laid the trouser sock out flat, folded it in half, folded it in half again, then put the sock between the "first form" (can you tell I think that is a ridiculous name?!) and back lining to the holder pocket. So when the bra is on, it's in the pocket but between my chest and the "first form."
The trouser sock worked perfectly!!! I felt so much more confident all day today! Instead of seeing my reflection and immediately feeling a pang of regret that I don't look "normal" and feeling cheated by life and all the other complicated emotions that come with losing a breast, I marveled at just how normal I looked! I looked at my profile from the right, then from the left, and they match!
Life after breast cancer is about making the best with what you've got. Sometimes it's something profound, and sometimes it's stuffing your bra with a sock.
