Pity, Party of One

I'm back!  I would apologize for not writing in so long, but the truth is I have been writing several posts - I just get too tired to finish them.  There have been 200 hits on my blog since my last post, so I can't keep you waiting any longer!  Upcoming posts include, I ran walked a 5k for ovarian cancer awareness, I have the pink ribbon blues,  my thoughts on being one-breasted and night drinking recipes to share.

But in the meantime, I am having a pity party.  I didn't throw myself a pity party.  In fact, I've been desperately avoiding said pity party because I know I have so much to be grateful for, but surprise!  Pity has thrown me a party anyways. The whole impact of the "lost a breast to cancer" is hitting me full force.  Sometimes it's the cancer thing, sometimes it's the breast asymmetry thing, sometimes it's all rolled together.

My face is completely broken out as my body is in turmoil after going off the birth control pill.  I am more broken out now that I ever, ever was as a teenager.

I have ringworm.  One patch of scaly skin comes to mind, right?  Well I am up to like 30 patches of ringworm.  Not. Cute.  I got one little patch of ringworm from a client at work on my neck, and thinking it was the aforementioned acne, didn't treat it for two weeks, and then BOOM!  It's everywhere!  What the hell is wrong with me that I have a ringworm epidemic?!  I have so many new spots appearing that I went to the doctor to go on the oral medication.  And since the fungal spores can still be active or whatever the word is for the next 2-4 weeks, I am having to wash everything I come in contact with - sheets, clothes, towels, pillows - in hot water and bleach and let it sit in the soak cycle so the detergent will break down the spores.  Every. Day.  That makes for a whole lot of laundry when you can only wear pajama bottoms once or use a towel once. And don't forget I only have one bra until August, so every night I either spray it down anti-fungal spray or go through the whole new crazy laundry routine.  Other than the original spot on my neck, all the spots are on my torso.  I think the most likely scenario is that when I was drying off the ringworm got on my towel, and I spread it everywhere over the next couple of days until I changed my towel.  But I still keep blaming my health, since ringworm happens to immuno-suppressed people.  Am I not taking care of myself well enough?  What the hell is happening?!!?

I've lost 15 pounds since I was fit for the post-mastectomy bra, so now my one breast doesn't fill out the cup and the cup collapses on itself and it looks like my one real breast is square.  It's a bad day with the "first form" looks better than my real breast.  I end up being really self-conscious if I wear anything tight (like my tank tops).  This damn post-mastectomy bra just might be more disfiguring than my new natural silhouette.  At least then it's "huh, she's only got one breast" instead of "those are some weird square boobs she's got."

I am literally and figuratively shit on at work.

Like a pubescent boy I catch myself staring at any exposed cleavage I see.  But unlike a pubescent boy, I am so filled with jealousy.  I wish I could just throw on an outfit.  I wish I could wear a cute sundress. The jealousy, it rages.  Money is too tight and I can't go buy any new clothes for this body, so instead I am very awkwardly trying to make my clothes work which makes me look like one of those "modest is hottest" women with all my weird layers of clothing.

I rearranged my work schedule - which was not easy - so I could attend the local support group for women with breast cancer, only to find that it had been canceled for this month.

In summation, I am a pimply-faced, ringworm-covered, square-boobed, awkardly-conservatively-dressed, green-eyed monster who just wants to scream to the world, "give me a fucking break, I just had fucking cancer!!!!!"  But there is no rest for the weary.

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

Fashion: Tank Tops!

Like a mirage in the desert, I have found tank tops that will fit a Tall Girl AND provide enough coverage to not show the post-mastectomy bra!  What?!  Looks like someone is going to be showing off some serious clavicle!!

My first "score" was, oddly enough, at the local Target!  

Mossimo Women's Microrib Tanks!

I got one in the color shown and a black one.  They are plenty long.  Like, I am 5'10 1/2" and  it covers my entire torso and hips.  As long as I don't pull down on it too much, it covers the post-mastectomy bra! I've worn them plain and dressed them up with a light sweater.  Target did have lots of summer sweaters and even a little shrug cardigan if you wanted to make sure those ugly post-mastectomy bra straps don't show.  

It is low-cut enough that if anyone were able to see down the shirt a little bit (but not very likely - an advantage of being tall!), someone who was really paying attention could probably see breast tissue on one side and flatness on the other.  I recently had lunch with a bunch of people I hadn't seen since before the mastectomy and I wore a scarf over the tank top to head off The Look.  You know The Look, right?  It's the "I just saw you but first I'm going scan your bust and see if I can tell anything is different" look.  The scarf over the tank top gave me coverage , but I didn't have that "modest is hotest" thing I've unfortunately been working.

The other tank top score came from a family member!  She had surgery a couple of years ago and couldn't wear a bra during recovery, so she bought some of these.

Women's Microfiber Full-Coverage Perfect-Fit Cami from Norm Thompson

Wait!!!  I know that picture is...less than flattering shall we say.  Is she wearing pajama pants?  Can we get her lipstick and some earrings?  But bear with me!!  This camisole has lightly padded cups with underwire (which my dear family member removed from the mastectomy side for me) and has a bra closure in the back (not visible).  I can wear it with the post-mastectomy bra, but of course the straps show, so I could wear it as a nice base layer.  BUT, because this thing has a bra in it and is full-coverage, I put my "first form" in the cup and just wear the camisole sans post-mastectomy bra.  I have your attention now, right?!  The two that I have are hand-me-downs, and I assume they've been dried in the dryer countless times (we tall girls line dry everything, amirite?), and they hit me right in that zone of just barely being long enough but am probably going to tug at all the time to make sure.  After I order my own, I'll report back on the length.  You order them according to your bra size, and they are also available in cotton. 

Have you found any full-coverage tank tops?  Do you obsessively line dry everything, too?  How do you handle The Look?

Recipe: Day Drinking

What is Day Drinking, you may ask?  Day Drinks consist of beverages that you can pour in a water bottle and take with you to work.  Day Drinking is different than Night Drinking (think mocktails) and should not be confused with Day or Night Dranking (alcoholic).  Since we're all about cancer prevention, we're avoiding soda, artificial colors, artificial preservatives and "natural flavors."

Day Drinking is important.  We all know we should drink eight glasses of fluid a day. Remember a hydrated body is one that is flushing toxins OUT.  So let's step up the Day Drinking!

Fortunately - and unfortunately - I have a lot of experience with Day Drinking. I have never had a job with air conditioning.  Never.  Annnnnd I live in the South. Over the last nine sweltering, dehydrating, heat-related illness-ing summers, I've learned that if I pack a water bottle (or three) with just water, I will only drink from it if I'm really super thirsty.  Otherwise, meh.  Water is boring.  Here's what I do to make things more interesting:

Fruit-infused water or homemade vitamin water
There is no need to buy pricey, chemical-y vitamin water.  You can make your own!  Vitamins are water soluable, so by adding fruit or even vegetables or herbs to your water, you can make a nutritious and delicious Day Drink!

Pinterest is full of recipes for fruit-infused water, but really, this is not one of things that you need a recipe for, I promise you. Be like fellow tall girl, Julia Child and have no fear!  This is what you do:

1. Grab a pitcher or wide-mouthed water bottle,

I have a  fruit infusion pitcher, but you could use anything

2. Add one or more of your favorite fruits, cut up.  Herbs and vegetables are options, too,
3. Add water,

My pitcher of sunshine! Half of a lemon & half of an orange

4. Let sit overnight in the fridge.

Sometimes you'll have fun colors!
This is frozen blueberries, one pickling cucumber , one sprig each of mint and lemon balm

I throw in there whatever I have around the house that sounds interesting (or needs to be used up).  Some combinations I've done are strawberries & lemon & mint, orange & lemon & lime, orange & cucumber & mint, and just plain pineapple (which is probably to date my favorite).

Sometimes there will be misses.  This week I made apple cucumber mint water.  Sounds pretty good, right?  It smelled good, too.  But the apples turned brown in the water and that grossed me out, so it all went down the sink.  And to that I say, "oh well!"  I'm out like 65 cents.  Next time I'll make apple mint water with a bit of lemon.

Tea
Being a southern gal, sweet tea is always a great choice!  Sometimes I brew it with mint and/or lemon balm.  Sometimes I brew it with a bag of chai tea.  Some people (not me!) like tea with lemon or orange or even peaches.

Green tea is also a good option.  Again, you can add fruit or mint or my personal favorite: ginger.

Fruit juice
If you're buying organic or 100% juice, it can add up quickly.  Plus, drinking large quantities of juice goes from refreshing to sugar overload pretty quickly.  Too much juice burns my throat.

I like to make water bottles filled 1/4 with fruit juice and 3/4 water.  You still get the flavor of the juice, but it's not so overwhelming.

You can also cut tea with fruit juice.  I tend to go more with a 1/2 and 1/2 ratio here, and I especially enjoy cranberry juice with sweet tea or green tea, but you could try any combination. The Arnold Palmer of 1/2 tea 1/2 lemonade is an obvious choice.  Grape juice and green tea.

So go be that tall drink of water that you are, and enjoy one too!

Are you a big Day Drinker?  What are your go-to Day Drinks?  Would you have drunken the brown apple water?

Survivor Sunday Song: Oh My God (Find A Cure)

Time to crank up the volume and sing Ida Maria's "Oh My God"  - heard on The Big C.  It will be stuck in your head all week.  You're welcome.

Some days there won't be a song in your heart.  Sing anyway.  ~Emory Austin