Being pregnant after having breast cancer has brought up all sorts of fears and continuing body image issues.
I'll start with the body image issues. At first it was exciting to see my breast getting bigger. I had always wanted to be just a little more endowed, and I was finally getting my wish.
Except...there's only one. And I'm bound, quite literally, by the post-mastectomy bra. It's not like I can show off cleavage or go bra shopping. Instead, my breast is now bigger than the First Form making me look uneven, and it's not all that comfortable to stuff a sore breast in a too-small bra. So I feel like instead of enjoying this little pregnancy perk, I'm reminded even more of what I've lost.
I don't mean to sound like I'm having a pity party. I kind of did my first trimester, I won't lie. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It sucks that such an exciting time has to be tainted by breast cancer and can't be "normal." Sometimes you just have to wallow before you can move on.
Beyond the cosmetic changes, my breast is changing. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it hurts with stabbing pain. Although rare for breast cancer, pain was my first symptom, so breast pain in pretty concerning to me!
Also, the whole "know your breast(s)" through self-exam is out the window right now. I'm a little obsessive right now about the self-exams, probably doing one every two weeks. When I do a self-exam now, my breast is full of changes, including all sorts of stuff that wasn't there before!
For me, my DCIS tumor when 2cm when I found it, 7cm two weeks later at the MRI, and 8 cm a week later at the mastectomy. I don't know how such a large tumor was not invasive! So when I feel a change in my breast, I'm thinking this an emergency and needs immediate attention.
Except everything I'm describing - the pain, the extra "stuff" - is all perfectly normal for pregnancy. Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!
I made sure to bring it up with my OB. He was actually really cool about it and took it as seriously as was needed. Before I could even finish asking which doctor should I call if I do get concerned, their office or the oncologist's, he responded with call the OB's office first. It wasn't in a "I'm going to cut you off because you're being silly way" but in a "I totally understand your fear and confusion, and here's your answer." He also wanted to know when my last mammogram was and when my last exam by a doctor was. And then finally he said that in pregnancy, the breasts are prepared for breastfeeding by 20-23 weeks. Additionally, with a twin pregnancy, my body is at 2-3 weeks ahead of the babies' gestational age. Since I was 17 weeks at the appointment, that means my body is acting more like I'm at 19-20 weeks, so my breast is in full on getting ready for breastfeeding mode. He was very reassuring and not remotely brushing me off, exactly the response I needed.
Have you been pregnant after breast cancer? Or have breast cancer during pregnancy? How did you handle breast changes with pregnancy?
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Exercise: Yoga for Cancer Survivors
In that horrible three week wait between my DCIS diagnosis and my mastectomy, my very awesome friend Anna took me a yoga class. I LOVED it! I've kind of dabbled with meditation and with yoga DVDs, but it was nothing compared to this class. I vowed to continue yoga as soon as I was cleared post-op.
Once I was cleared for physical activity, beyond those post-op stretches, I just couldn't quite bring myself to sign up for a yoga class. I was still working on range of motion on the mastectomy side and didn't want to call attention to myself with having to modify the poses. I was worried, rightly or wrongly, that if I told the instructor I was recovering from breast cancer, the instructor would in someway pontificate about the benefits of yoga, mind/body connection, and somehow imply that I could have prevented the cancer. And then there was the whole issue of what to wear. At that point I had great disdain for the post-mastectomy bra and would rip it off as soon as I walked in the house, so I knew I wouldn't want to wear it at yoga. But I also knew I would be too self-conscious to not wear it, and be focused the whole time on my chest and if anyone was looking at me, instead of "being present" for yoga.
So much for continuing yoga.
Being in nonprofit management, I diligently read the "community news" section of the paper each day to see what's going on in the nonprofit community. About a month ago, there was a little blurb about a free yoga class for cancer survivors the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month at a local art gallery.
I have very conflicting emotions about cancer survivorship. On one hand, I had a mastectomy. I only have one breast. I have to deal with the threat of cancer for the rest of my life. The world is now a scary, carcinogenic place. On the other, I got off easy. I only had a mastectomy. I'm surgically cured. I didn't have to have radiation, or chemo, or adjuvant therapy. I feel like I belong in the survivorship world, and don't belong all at the same time. Add to that my age. I just can't hear, "but you're so young!' one more time.
But yoga, and free yoga, was enough for me to bite the bullet to contact the cancer survivorship coordinator listed in the paper.
And oh boy did she get excited! She wanted me to come to a free dinner for breast cancer survivors, and to walk in the breast cancer fundraiser...I politely declined and asked her to register me for the yoga class and the cooking class, thinking maybe I can get past some of this fear of food.
When I told my husband that I was going to go to yoga for cancer survivors, and it was free, he immediately said, "you better wear your sports bra, because they're going to think you're just trying to scam them for a free class."
Finally the day came, and I wore my yoga pants (only wore once!), sports bra, and "cancer sucks" shirt. I hoped I looked the part.
And sure enough, I was quizzed as to my "relationship with cancer" and ended up smoothing down my shirt on my left side so everyone could see I'm part of the club! And then, everything was amazing!!!
It was inspiring! We went around the room, and one woman is a 26 year survivor of thyroid cancer and 14 year survivor of breast cancer. Another is a 5 year survivor of liver cancer. Another is in active treatment for 5 years for leukemia. And another had breast cancer, but I didn't catch how long ago. They were all living their lives, most of them obviously affected by cancer and cancer surgeries, but they were embracing life!
The yoga class itself was great, too! The class' focus is on breathing with light stretching - much more about the mind and body connection than exercise - but there's a strong current of healing emanating through the room.
After the class, the two breast cancer survivors literally cornered me to ask about my breast cancer experience and to find out if I was going to do reconstruction. The reconstruction answer is an emphatic no, by the way. They told me all about their prostheses and where to go. Evidently there's a place about an hour away that has a large selection of bras. One even offered to drive me there!
One of them had a mastectomy on one side like me, and she warned me that it gets harder as you get older. Your natural breast succumbs to gravity; the prosthesis does not. So she is battling breast asymmetry with one perky "breast" and eventually asked for a more weighted prosthesis to try and even her out.
At the yoga class this week, the other lady brought me flyer from our state's Susan G Komen office including the contact information for their social worker, because she knew I was having trouble finding a prosthesis fitter who would take my insurance.
And that's what I'm missing out on by feeling "not cancery enough" to be a "true" survivor. I thought I would be shunned because I didn't have the full cancer experience, and instead these women have embraced me, giving me invaluable advice on issues no one who isn't a breast cancer survivor can really understand.
Have you embraced survivorship? Do you feel likewise awkward to get involved due to age or stage? What kinds of survivorship services are in your area?
Once I was cleared for physical activity, beyond those post-op stretches, I just couldn't quite bring myself to sign up for a yoga class. I was still working on range of motion on the mastectomy side and didn't want to call attention to myself with having to modify the poses. I was worried, rightly or wrongly, that if I told the instructor I was recovering from breast cancer, the instructor would in someway pontificate about the benefits of yoga, mind/body connection, and somehow imply that I could have prevented the cancer. And then there was the whole issue of what to wear. At that point I had great disdain for the post-mastectomy bra and would rip it off as soon as I walked in the house, so I knew I wouldn't want to wear it at yoga. But I also knew I would be too self-conscious to not wear it, and be focused the whole time on my chest and if anyone was looking at me, instead of "being present" for yoga.
 |
| I might not like that damn bra, but the dog thinks it's a great pillow! |
So much for continuing yoga.
Being in nonprofit management, I diligently read the "community news" section of the paper each day to see what's going on in the nonprofit community. About a month ago, there was a little blurb about a free yoga class for cancer survivors the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month at a local art gallery.
I have very conflicting emotions about cancer survivorship. On one hand, I had a mastectomy. I only have one breast. I have to deal with the threat of cancer for the rest of my life. The world is now a scary, carcinogenic place. On the other, I got off easy. I only had a mastectomy. I'm surgically cured. I didn't have to have radiation, or chemo, or adjuvant therapy. I feel like I belong in the survivorship world, and don't belong all at the same time. Add to that my age. I just can't hear, "but you're so young!' one more time.
But yoga, and free yoga, was enough for me to bite the bullet to contact the cancer survivorship coordinator listed in the paper.
And oh boy did she get excited! She wanted me to come to a free dinner for breast cancer survivors, and to walk in the breast cancer fundraiser...I politely declined and asked her to register me for the yoga class and the cooking class, thinking maybe I can get past some of this fear of food.
When I told my husband that I was going to go to yoga for cancer survivors, and it was free, he immediately said, "you better wear your sports bra, because they're going to think you're just trying to scam them for a free class."
Finally the day came, and I wore my yoga pants (only wore once!), sports bra, and "cancer sucks" shirt. I hoped I looked the part.
And sure enough, I was quizzed as to my "relationship with cancer" and ended up smoothing down my shirt on my left side so everyone could see I'm part of the club! And then, everything was amazing!!!
It was inspiring! We went around the room, and one woman is a 26 year survivor of thyroid cancer and 14 year survivor of breast cancer. Another is a 5 year survivor of liver cancer. Another is in active treatment for 5 years for leukemia. And another had breast cancer, but I didn't catch how long ago. They were all living their lives, most of them obviously affected by cancer and cancer surgeries, but they were embracing life!
The yoga class itself was great, too! The class' focus is on breathing with light stretching - much more about the mind and body connection than exercise - but there's a strong current of healing emanating through the room.
After the class, the two breast cancer survivors literally cornered me to ask about my breast cancer experience and to find out if I was going to do reconstruction. The reconstruction answer is an emphatic no, by the way. They told me all about their prostheses and where to go. Evidently there's a place about an hour away that has a large selection of bras. One even offered to drive me there!
One of them had a mastectomy on one side like me, and she warned me that it gets harder as you get older. Your natural breast succumbs to gravity; the prosthesis does not. So she is battling breast asymmetry with one perky "breast" and eventually asked for a more weighted prosthesis to try and even her out.
At the yoga class this week, the other lady brought me flyer from our state's Susan G Komen office including the contact information for their social worker, because she knew I was having trouble finding a prosthesis fitter who would take my insurance.
And that's what I'm missing out on by feeling "not cancery enough" to be a "true" survivor. I thought I would be shunned because I didn't have the full cancer experience, and instead these women have embraced me, giving me invaluable advice on issues no one who isn't a breast cancer survivor can really understand.
Have you embraced survivorship? Do you feel likewise awkward to get involved due to age or stage? What kinds of survivorship services are in your area?
And the surprises keep on coming!
The plan for 2013 was to get pregnant. After years of the timing not being right or not having enough money, my husband and I had decided the timing would never be right, and we were never going to have enough money. We were going to leap and hope the net appeared. Last Christmas we giggled that it would be our last Christmas without either a baby or one on the way and in January I started to take prenatal vitamins. The plan was in motion.
And then I had this pesky ache in my left breast..... The breast cancer diagnosis was devastating. I finally had maternity insurance. I was finally ready to get serious about trying to conceive. And now instead of working to create life, I was working on saving mine.
My first question to both my surgical oncologist and my medical oncologist was, "am I allowed to get pregnant?" They both had the same answer, using almost exactly the same words, "Yes. You must have annual mammograms, and you can never go back on the birth control pill, and beyond that, it's up to you. The birth control pill can't cause cancer, but your breasts have already demonstrated the ability to produce cancer [I will never forget that statement for as long as I live]. If there is a seed of cancer, then the birth control pill is the fertilizer that will cause it to grow."
In April it seemed like the plan was back on. And then in May I had a crazy ringworm outbreak and had to go on oral medication to stop the outbreak - oral medication that could cause birth defects. I wasn't allowed to get pregnant while on the medication, nor for four weeks afterwards.
At this point I was getting antsy. When I was just 19, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and I've had two surgeries to remove endometriosis from my uterus and bladder. Since endometriosis is the leading cause of infertility, my OB/GYB has been on me since about age 24 to get pregnant now or be prepared for that fertility window to close. I remember kind of arguing with her because she didn't seem to think Eric's being in college to be a good enough reason to delay getting pregnant! She also didn't think the lack of maternity insurance was a good reason either. In an effort to slow down the endometriosis and preserve my fertility, I've been on a medium-high strength birth control pill for about 10 years. At age 29, she found a complex cyst on my right ovary, and I ended up having surgery to remove it...including the affected ovary and Fallopian tube. The doctor assured me "that's why God gives you two" and my left ovary would step up to the plate.
So with one ovary, one breast, and endometriosis growing rampantly, unchecked by the birth control pill, I knew my window was closing and it was time to get serious. I bought an ovulation predictor kit.
Ten days later, my husband and I were staring at a faint second line indicating a positive pregnancy test. Heretofore referred to as clue #1. His first words were, "shit just got real."
At my first OB appointment, I very confidently stated the date on my last period, and I knew exactly when I ovulated, and come to find out you don't get a dating ultrasound if you're confident on the dates. Take it from me, lie like there is no tomorrow if you ever in this position!
At my 12 week appointment, we were finally going to get to hear the the heartbeat. I knew there was a chance the baby could still be too small to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler and to not get upset if they had trouble finding a heartbeat. Instead, within 2 seconds of putting the wand on my stomach, the sound of a strong heartbeat immediately filled the room. We'll call that clue #2.
At this point I was already "showing." While it was kind of fun at first to have this little pooch, and my husband and I were the only ones who knew why, after a while I started to feel a little self-conscious. I was looking undoubtedly pregnant at three months! And then there were the "you are definitely showing!" and "are you sure there aren't twins in there?" and "you're HOW far along?!" comments. Clue #4.
The stress and fear following my mastectomy had resulted in my having a somewhat significant weight loss, but with pregnancy I was putting that weight back on like a champ! I gained nine pounds in five weeks! Clue #5. And that didn't even make that much sense to me, because I was really struggling to eat, and to eat anything high in calories, due to morning sickness - morning sickness that only got worse as I headed into the second trimester. Clue #6.
At 16 weeks I very clearly felt the baby for the first time - a quick kick followed by a smaller movement. I knew it was early to feel movement, and to not expect to feel the baby again for days or weeks. Instead, I started feeling the baby every day, sometimes several times a day. And just a few days after I felt the baby's first kick, my husband had his hand on my stomach and he felt a kick. That is way ahead of schedule! Clue #7.
So last week was my 17 week anatomy scan. I was an absolute wreck going into this appointment. I could just feel it in my bones that this appointment was not going to go as expected. I just kept saying to my husband, "we're not lucky people." And he readily agreed! When I said I was really worried there was a birth defect, especially since we got pregnant just a few weeks after being on the medicine that could cause birth defects, he said maybe we would luck up and it would just be a little one. The day of the scan I made sure I didn't have any sugar, or juice, or anything else that could cause the baby to move a lot and prevent our being able to get a good scan of whatever it was that I was so nervous about. While we were waiting in the waiting room, I was feeling a ton of movement...so much for that plan!
When we were finally called back for the scan, I started joking in a self-deprecating manner with the tech that we would finally find out if there really were twins in there! As she started the scan, she saw immediately that my placenta is close to the cervix, and if it doesn't move out of the way, then I will have to have a c-section. Since I was preparing for a natural, unmedicated birth, this came as bad news, but I knew this wasn't THE news that I so nervous about. I still had this nagging feeling that something was just...off. Then the tech starts the rest of the scan, and it went just like this:
Me: We definitely want to find out the sex!
Tech: Do you have a feeling of what it is?
Me: Sometimes I think boy, sometimes I think girl. I had a dream where I was having a girl and then later in the dream the baby was a boy. My husband here said that means we're having boy/girl twins - haha!
Tech: (very quietly) Is this your first scan?
(My husband said later he couldn't hear her, and he was trying to figure out what she said)
Me: (snapping my head up to the screen to see a head, a line and then a spine) OH MY GOD ARE THERE TWO?!?! (Husband snaps his head to the screen)
Tech: Hold on, let me see if there are more...yes, you're having twins!
Me and my husband: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm sure everyone on that side of the building heard us)
Tech: We'll call this one Baby A, and this one Baby B. Baby A is a boy, and....Baby B is a girl! You're having boy/girl twins!
And immediately I felt a sense of relief. I knew with every fiber of my being this appointment was going to be...different. Turns out I already have some mother's intuition after all! And no wonder I had no strong feeling on whether we were having a boy or girl!
I had prayed and prayed and prayed to God, pleading that I stay pregnant, and stay pregnant with a healthy baby. I had just had all the sorrow I could take for this year.
My entire adult life I've been told it would be very difficult for me to conceive, and yet I got pregnant the first time we really seriously "tried" by using the ovulation predictor kit. And I got pregnant and stayed pregnant with just one ovary. And I'm pregnant with twins, right away, stayed pregnant with twins, all with just one ovary. And one breast. Thanks be to God.
Ready to see the babies?
And then I had this pesky ache in my left breast..... The breast cancer diagnosis was devastating. I finally had maternity insurance. I was finally ready to get serious about trying to conceive. And now instead of working to create life, I was working on saving mine.
My first question to both my surgical oncologist and my medical oncologist was, "am I allowed to get pregnant?" They both had the same answer, using almost exactly the same words, "Yes. You must have annual mammograms, and you can never go back on the birth control pill, and beyond that, it's up to you. The birth control pill can't cause cancer, but your breasts have already demonstrated the ability to produce cancer [I will never forget that statement for as long as I live]. If there is a seed of cancer, then the birth control pill is the fertilizer that will cause it to grow."
In April it seemed like the plan was back on. And then in May I had a crazy ringworm outbreak and had to go on oral medication to stop the outbreak - oral medication that could cause birth defects. I wasn't allowed to get pregnant while on the medication, nor for four weeks afterwards.
At this point I was getting antsy. When I was just 19, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and I've had two surgeries to remove endometriosis from my uterus and bladder. Since endometriosis is the leading cause of infertility, my OB/GYB has been on me since about age 24 to get pregnant now or be prepared for that fertility window to close. I remember kind of arguing with her because she didn't seem to think Eric's being in college to be a good enough reason to delay getting pregnant! She also didn't think the lack of maternity insurance was a good reason either. In an effort to slow down the endometriosis and preserve my fertility, I've been on a medium-high strength birth control pill for about 10 years. At age 29, she found a complex cyst on my right ovary, and I ended up having surgery to remove it...including the affected ovary and Fallopian tube. The doctor assured me "that's why God gives you two" and my left ovary would step up to the plate.
So with one ovary, one breast, and endometriosis growing rampantly, unchecked by the birth control pill, I knew my window was closing and it was time to get serious. I bought an ovulation predictor kit.
Ten days later, my husband and I were staring at a faint second line indicating a positive pregnancy test. Heretofore referred to as clue #1. His first words were, "shit just got real."
At my first OB appointment, I very confidently stated the date on my last period, and I knew exactly when I ovulated, and come to find out you don't get a dating ultrasound if you're confident on the dates. Take it from me, lie like there is no tomorrow if you ever in this position!
At my 12 week appointment, we were finally going to get to hear the the heartbeat. I knew there was a chance the baby could still be too small to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler and to not get upset if they had trouble finding a heartbeat. Instead, within 2 seconds of putting the wand on my stomach, the sound of a strong heartbeat immediately filled the room. We'll call that clue #2.
At this point I was already "showing." While it was kind of fun at first to have this little pooch, and my husband and I were the only ones who knew why, after a while I started to feel a little self-conscious. I was looking undoubtedly pregnant at three months! And then there were the "you are definitely showing!" and "are you sure there aren't twins in there?" and "you're HOW far along?!" comments. Clue #4.
The stress and fear following my mastectomy had resulted in my having a somewhat significant weight loss, but with pregnancy I was putting that weight back on like a champ! I gained nine pounds in five weeks! Clue #5. And that didn't even make that much sense to me, because I was really struggling to eat, and to eat anything high in calories, due to morning sickness - morning sickness that only got worse as I headed into the second trimester. Clue #6.
At 16 weeks I very clearly felt the baby for the first time - a quick kick followed by a smaller movement. I knew it was early to feel movement, and to not expect to feel the baby again for days or weeks. Instead, I started feeling the baby every day, sometimes several times a day. And just a few days after I felt the baby's first kick, my husband had his hand on my stomach and he felt a kick. That is way ahead of schedule! Clue #7.
So last week was my 17 week anatomy scan. I was an absolute wreck going into this appointment. I could just feel it in my bones that this appointment was not going to go as expected. I just kept saying to my husband, "we're not lucky people." And he readily agreed! When I said I was really worried there was a birth defect, especially since we got pregnant just a few weeks after being on the medicine that could cause birth defects, he said maybe we would luck up and it would just be a little one. The day of the scan I made sure I didn't have any sugar, or juice, or anything else that could cause the baby to move a lot and prevent our being able to get a good scan of whatever it was that I was so nervous about. While we were waiting in the waiting room, I was feeling a ton of movement...so much for that plan!
When we were finally called back for the scan, I started joking in a self-deprecating manner with the tech that we would finally find out if there really were twins in there! As she started the scan, she saw immediately that my placenta is close to the cervix, and if it doesn't move out of the way, then I will have to have a c-section. Since I was preparing for a natural, unmedicated birth, this came as bad news, but I knew this wasn't THE news that I so nervous about. I still had this nagging feeling that something was just...off. Then the tech starts the rest of the scan, and it went just like this:
Me: We definitely want to find out the sex!
Tech: Do you have a feeling of what it is?
Me: Sometimes I think boy, sometimes I think girl. I had a dream where I was having a girl and then later in the dream the baby was a boy. My husband here said that means we're having boy/girl twins - haha!
Tech: (very quietly) Is this your first scan?
(My husband said later he couldn't hear her, and he was trying to figure out what she said)
Me: (snapping my head up to the screen to see a head, a line and then a spine) OH MY GOD ARE THERE TWO?!?! (Husband snaps his head to the screen)
Tech: Hold on, let me see if there are more...yes, you're having twins!
Me and my husband: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm sure everyone on that side of the building heard us)
Tech: We'll call this one Baby A, and this one Baby B. Baby A is a boy, and....Baby B is a girl! You're having boy/girl twins!
And immediately I felt a sense of relief. I knew with every fiber of my being this appointment was going to be...different. Turns out I already have some mother's intuition after all! And no wonder I had no strong feeling on whether we were having a boy or girl!
I had prayed and prayed and prayed to God, pleading that I stay pregnant, and stay pregnant with a healthy baby. I had just had all the sorrow I could take for this year.
My entire adult life I've been told it would be very difficult for me to conceive, and yet I got pregnant the first time we really seriously "tried" by using the ovulation predictor kit. And I got pregnant and stayed pregnant with just one ovary. And I'm pregnant with twins, right away, stayed pregnant with twins, all with just one ovary. And one breast. Thanks be to God.
Ready to see the babies?
 |
| They're head to head, probably already plotting against us. |
 |
| Baby Boy just hanging out |
 |
| Baby Girl waves hello! And I think that's Baby Boy on the right..... |
What an eventful year! We won't be celebrating Christmas as planned with a baby, nor with a baby on the way. Rather, we'll be celebrating with babies on the way! Thanks be to God.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Happy Six Month Cancerversary, Part II
For my six month cancerversary, I received a pretty awesome present, but I'm getting ahead of myself.....
September 9th I had an appointment at my OB/GYN's office - the same office that first diagnosed with me DCIS. I was so nervous about my appointment that I took not one, but two wrong turns getting there! As I pulled into the parking lot, there was a flood of unexpected emotion. I started to pull into the same parking spot I parked in on d-day - diagnosis day - and then quickly whipped around to park in a different part of the lot. As I sat in the lobby, I remembered back to six plus months ago when I was stunned by the news and waiting for my husband to arrive.
But this time he was sitting right next to me. This appointment was much, much different because........
It was my very first OB visit!!!!!
When I called in early August to schedule the appointment, as soon as she said, "what about September 9th?" I immediately recognized the date as six months from the mastectomy and said, "that will be perfect."
As I was going over my medical history with the midwife, I asked to make sure my GYN knew that I had been there and why, and she jumped up and said she'd go get her right then. Less than a minute later, my GYN barges into the room squealing and hugging me (and reminding me the importance of monthly self-breast exams). A minute after that, her nurse who, six plus months ago brought me a cup of water in a real glass which was my first tip off something really was wrong, comes barging in and the squealing and hugging continues. A minute after that, the nurse's assistant who, six plus months ago took my blood pressure when I first arrived and I was a ball of nerves and half-way crying because I was so nervous, barges in with more hugging and squealing. It was SO MUCH FUN!
The question they all wanted to know, plus you may be wondering too, is "is it safe for you to be pregnant?"
If I had been diagnosed with a hormone-positive type of breast cancer, there probably would have been a huge proceed with caution flag. Most young women who have breast cancer are diagnosed in pregnancy or after childbirth with a hormone-positive cancer that grew because of the hormone surges in pregnancy (I have read this, but cannot find a source to site right now). Please note: there has to be the cancer seed, and then the hormones are the fertilizer. Pregnancy can't cause cancer.
But since I had a HER2/neu diagnosis, not to mention I am surgically cured, I was given the green light by both my surgical oncologist and my medical oncologist.
That being said, I haven't exactly been worry-free about the whole thing. My breast is changing, which makes self-exams and "knowing your breast(s)" not quite as easy. I have had pain both in my breast and on the mastectomy side. Pain was my first symptom of the DCIS, and of course I'm terrified of a recurrence in the form of bone cancer. In both cases the pain went away after a few hours.
And then there's the fear that I'll have a recurrence and my child will grow up either without a mother or his/her only memories of me will be a sick and dying mother. When those fears creep in, I just tell myself nothing in life is for certain and to enjoy each day as it comes.
I have not yet gotten my prosthesis for many reasons, chief among them I am having breast changes and insurance pays for one prosthesis a year. I've been waiting till things level out a little bit and I could be fit reasonably well for a symmetrical prosthesis.
And speaking of the prosthesis, I have a feeling as I get late in pregnancy and in the early breastfeeding days, I am not going to want to fool with it! I haven't even investigated to see if they make nursing mastectomy bras, but I can pretty much guess what that answer is going to be. My plan right now is convert nursing bras into one cup bras, wear a pink ribbon pin over the left side, and call it day. Because pregnancy, nursing and prosthesis, ain't nobody got time for that!
I've lost an ovary and Fallopian tube to a dermoid cyst/endometriosis, and I've lost a breast to cancer. I don't exactly feel ALL woman, or at least I didn't. But now I can set my sights on the future, because I've got a little pumpkin on the way!
September 9th I had an appointment at my OB/GYN's office - the same office that first diagnosed with me DCIS. I was so nervous about my appointment that I took not one, but two wrong turns getting there! As I pulled into the parking lot, there was a flood of unexpected emotion. I started to pull into the same parking spot I parked in on d-day - diagnosis day - and then quickly whipped around to park in a different part of the lot. As I sat in the lobby, I remembered back to six plus months ago when I was stunned by the news and waiting for my husband to arrive.
But this time he was sitting right next to me. This appointment was much, much different because........
It was my very first OB visit!!!!!
When I called in early August to schedule the appointment, as soon as she said, "what about September 9th?" I immediately recognized the date as six months from the mastectomy and said, "that will be perfect."
As I was going over my medical history with the midwife, I asked to make sure my GYN knew that I had been there and why, and she jumped up and said she'd go get her right then. Less than a minute later, my GYN barges into the room squealing and hugging me (and reminding me the importance of monthly self-breast exams). A minute after that, her nurse who, six plus months ago brought me a cup of water in a real glass which was my first tip off something really was wrong, comes barging in and the squealing and hugging continues. A minute after that, the nurse's assistant who, six plus months ago took my blood pressure when I first arrived and I was a ball of nerves and half-way crying because I was so nervous, barges in with more hugging and squealing. It was SO MUCH FUN!
The question they all wanted to know, plus you may be wondering too, is "is it safe for you to be pregnant?"
If I had been diagnosed with a hormone-positive type of breast cancer, there probably would have been a huge proceed with caution flag. Most young women who have breast cancer are diagnosed in pregnancy or after childbirth with a hormone-positive cancer that grew because of the hormone surges in pregnancy (I have read this, but cannot find a source to site right now). Please note: there has to be the cancer seed, and then the hormones are the fertilizer. Pregnancy can't cause cancer.
But since I had a HER2/neu diagnosis, not to mention I am surgically cured, I was given the green light by both my surgical oncologist and my medical oncologist.
That being said, I haven't exactly been worry-free about the whole thing. My breast is changing, which makes self-exams and "knowing your breast(s)" not quite as easy. I have had pain both in my breast and on the mastectomy side. Pain was my first symptom of the DCIS, and of course I'm terrified of a recurrence in the form of bone cancer. In both cases the pain went away after a few hours.
And then there's the fear that I'll have a recurrence and my child will grow up either without a mother or his/her only memories of me will be a sick and dying mother. When those fears creep in, I just tell myself nothing in life is for certain and to enjoy each day as it comes.
I have not yet gotten my prosthesis for many reasons, chief among them I am having breast changes and insurance pays for one prosthesis a year. I've been waiting till things level out a little bit and I could be fit reasonably well for a symmetrical prosthesis.
And speaking of the prosthesis, I have a feeling as I get late in pregnancy and in the early breastfeeding days, I am not going to want to fool with it! I haven't even investigated to see if they make nursing mastectomy bras, but I can pretty much guess what that answer is going to be. My plan right now is convert nursing bras into one cup bras, wear a pink ribbon pin over the left side, and call it day. Because pregnancy, nursing and prosthesis, ain't nobody got time for that!
I've lost an ovary and Fallopian tube to a dermoid cyst/endometriosis, and I've lost a breast to cancer. I don't exactly feel ALL woman, or at least I didn't. But now I can set my sights on the future, because I've got a little pumpkin on the way!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Happy Six Month Cancerversary to me!
Today it has been six months since my mastectomy! Six months today I was surgically cured! Six months today I am cancer-free!* Happy Six Month Cancerversary to me!!!
With the HER2/neu diagnosis, I have a 95% 5 year survival rate, and I'm finally starting to settle into being part of the 95%, instead of feeling like I'm just waiting around for it to recur. Part of that is due to the possible reclassification of DCIS, which one of these days, hopefully soon, I'll have a post on!
Since I have the most conservative oncologist on the planet, I finally had my surgery follow up appointment about three weeks ago. What a difference six months makes! I was still the only patient under 55. I still had all eyes in the waiting room on me. But this time I had my head held high...because I beat it! Cancer tried to cop a feel, so I kicked its ass!!! I think every single employee at the oncologist's office came out to say hello to me. When you're the thirty-one year old at the breast cancer office, everyone knows who you are!
My incision is healing up very well, and has now faded from bright pinkish-red to a light pinkish-purple. The oncologist gave Rightie the most comprehensive breast exam I've ever had and said he'd send me off for a mammogram in February followed by an appointment for the results in his office.
Triumphant, my husband and I walked towards the check-out when I realized...the prosthesis!!!! I didn't have my prescription!!! The whole reason for this appointment, in my eyes at least, was to be cleared for the prosthesis. Fortunately we were able to flag him down and get the necessary prescription. Whew!!!
I haven't yet made the appointment for the prosthesis fitting. The clinic where I was fit for my post-mastectomy bra no longer takes my insurance, so now I have to go to a local pharmacy for the fitting. A pharmacy?! It doesn't sound very private. I'm just really not feeling it. Neither is my bank account. Until my bank account and I are ready for the pharmacy fitting, I'll just keep on trucking with my now ratty, bleached out post-mastectomy bra.
Do you celebrate your cancerversary? Do you do it from the date of diagnosis or the day you finished treatment? Do you feel like all eyes are on you at the oncologist's office? What was your prosthesis fitting like?
*Technically I'm not considered cancer-free until 4 1/2 years from now, but cancer-free just makes me feel better than saying I'm in remission. Remission makes it sound like a recurrence is inevitable. Like, I don't have cancer NOW, but........... I'm just going to declare myself cancer-free and put it out there for the universe to know!
With the HER2/neu diagnosis, I have a 95% 5 year survival rate, and I'm finally starting to settle into being part of the 95%, instead of feeling like I'm just waiting around for it to recur. Part of that is due to the possible reclassification of DCIS, which one of these days, hopefully soon, I'll have a post on!
Since I have the most conservative oncologist on the planet, I finally had my surgery follow up appointment about three weeks ago. What a difference six months makes! I was still the only patient under 55. I still had all eyes in the waiting room on me. But this time I had my head held high...because I beat it! Cancer tried to cop a feel, so I kicked its ass!!! I think every single employee at the oncologist's office came out to say hello to me. When you're the thirty-one year old at the breast cancer office, everyone knows who you are!
My incision is healing up very well, and has now faded from bright pinkish-red to a light pinkish-purple. The oncologist gave Rightie the most comprehensive breast exam I've ever had and said he'd send me off for a mammogram in February followed by an appointment for the results in his office.
Triumphant, my husband and I walked towards the check-out when I realized...the prosthesis!!!! I didn't have my prescription!!! The whole reason for this appointment, in my eyes at least, was to be cleared for the prosthesis. Fortunately we were able to flag him down and get the necessary prescription. Whew!!!
I haven't yet made the appointment for the prosthesis fitting. The clinic where I was fit for my post-mastectomy bra no longer takes my insurance, so now I have to go to a local pharmacy for the fitting. A pharmacy?! It doesn't sound very private. I'm just really not feeling it. Neither is my bank account. Until my bank account and I are ready for the pharmacy fitting, I'll just keep on trucking with my now ratty, bleached out post-mastectomy bra.
Do you celebrate your cancerversary? Do you do it from the date of diagnosis or the day you finished treatment? Do you feel like all eyes are on you at the oncologist's office? What was your prosthesis fitting like?
*Technically I'm not considered cancer-free until 4 1/2 years from now, but cancer-free just makes me feel better than saying I'm in remission. Remission makes it sound like a recurrence is inevitable. Like, I don't have cancer NOW, but........... I'm just going to declare myself cancer-free and put it out there for the universe to know!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Countdown has begun!
ONE MONTH FROM TODAY is my next appointment with my oncologist - well, one of them - and I should be cleared to be fit for a prosthesis! One. More. Month!!!!
And with the prosthesis a whole new world opens up........ Thin straps! Lacey! Feminine! Matching panties! And PURPLE!!!!!!
What kind of prosthesis did you get - the adhesive one or the pocket one? With a nipple or without? Do you still wear the "first form" and when?
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Exercise: Trying something new
One of the leading recommendations for cancer prevention is thirty minutes of exercise daily. Two weeks after my mastectomy when I was cleared for exercise, I developed a plan. I was going to start exercising thirty minutes a day three days a week, of course blog all about the different types of exercises I was doing, and work up to exercising daily. From the lack of blogging on this issue, you can already guess how this has turned out.
The first day I decided I was going to do calisthenics that focused on the lower body with names like "the big booty buster." I was lunging and kicking and squatting and jumping (and gasping and sweating and grunting) for thirty minutes.
And then I was so sore I could barely walk for the next three days, thus ending my "new exercise regimen."
Two months later my dad was visiting and told me all about the 5k training program he and my stepmother are doing. I have kind of tried to get into running before (if jogging once and feeling like I was dying after .2 miles counts) and just decided running wasn't for me.
But my dad said that most people can't just step outside their door and start running. The 5k training program he is doing is similar to the Couch to 5k program. I'll go into more detail below, but the bottom line is you do intervals of jogging and walking, starting off with short intervals jogging followed by several minutes of walking and building up to longer intervals of jogging than walking. When we did the 5k, we could easily spot the runners who were doing set intervals of jogging and running. They didn't look particularly peaked, and suddenly running didn't seem so impossible.
And there's always an app for that - my dad showed me a running app that tracks your distance, time, calories burned, average pace, and more.
The next weekend my husband and I started our own 5k training program. We started out jogging for one minute, then walking for three minutes...and learned the hard way that you really should stretch and do a warm-up walk. Two weeks later we started jogging for one minute, then walking for two minutes. And two weeks later we are jogging for two minutes and walking for two minutes.
And you know what? It has been awesome! Here's why I love running, or whatever it is we're doing:
Plus, a new study just came out proving why exercise prevents breast cancer. When the study first came out two months ago, I thought it was about lowering the risk for estrogen-positive breast cancer, but now I can't find where I read that. So, if you're Her2/neu positive like me (...yay...) then we're still protected!
I still have designs of exercising every day, and maybe one day I'll do 3 reps of 10 sets of "big booty busters" but for now:
The first day I decided I was going to do calisthenics that focused on the lower body with names like "the big booty buster." I was lunging and kicking and squatting and jumping (and gasping and sweating and grunting) for thirty minutes.
And then I was so sore I could barely walk for the next three days, thus ending my "new exercise regimen."
Two months later my dad was visiting and told me all about the 5k training program he and my stepmother are doing. I have kind of tried to get into running before (if jogging once and feeling like I was dying after .2 miles counts) and just decided running wasn't for me.
And there's always an app for that - my dad showed me a running app that tracks your distance, time, calories burned, average pace, and more.
The next weekend my husband and I started our own 5k training program. We started out jogging for one minute, then walking for three minutes...and learned the hard way that you really should stretch and do a warm-up walk. Two weeks later we started jogging for one minute, then walking for two minutes. And two weeks later we are jogging for two minutes and walking for two minutes.
 |
| Look at us go! Original source |
- it's something new to concentrate on, instead of cancer.
- it's one-on-one time with my husband without any interruptions, except for those pesky jogging intervals.
- it's something new for us to do together.
- I feel in charge of my body again.
- I have more self-confidence.
- I feel less anxious. I didn't realize this until we went 11 days without training.
- there's an instant reward of having run faster, or longer, or farther (just 1 of the 3 at this point)
- being outside is just good for the soul.
I still have designs of exercising every day, and maybe one day I'll do 3 reps of 10 sets of "big booty busters" but for now:
5K for Ovarian Cancer Awareness
Two years ago, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, so last year I made a donation in her honor to the Bright Night 5K for Ovarian Cancer Awareness and volunteered for the event by passing out water to the participants. This year, with the whole "thirty minutes of exercise daily" hanging over my head, I decided to participate.
Also, since ovarian and breast cancer are linked through the BRCA gene mutations, I was expecting to see lots of teal and pink and "I walk for me" "I walk for my sister" kinds of shirts. I was so excited to finally find "my community" and not feel so alone in this post-cancer journey. I even found a shirt I was planning on buying and wearing. But alas, cancer is expensive and I didn't have the funds to buy it.
The weekend of the Bright Nights 5k, my dad was visiting. He and my stepmother regularly train for and participate in 5ks in a program similar to the Couch to 5k program. I, on the other hand, do not, so "we" decided we would just walk the 5k.
As we pulled in the parking lot, the rain that had been off and on all day, was back on. I lamented that I didn't have the "something missing" shirt so that "my community" could easily identify me as one of them and we could do the "what's up" head nod or whatever it is people in the cancer club do, but I did go without the "first form." I eagerly looked around the crowd for the teal and pink...
...but I couldn't identify anyone as having had ovarian or breast or any other type of cancer. Not to say they weren't there, but there wasn't anyone wearing a "I wear teal for me" shirt, etc. Of course, neither was I. And boy was I glad I wasn't wearing the "something missing" shirt because I would have stuck out like a sore thumb. As more time passes, I will probably be okay with that. But as of right now, I just don't want to be "that poor girl who had cancer." I am guessing "my community" is out there, but stayed home because of the rain.
Anyways, the race was delayed due to thunder and lightening, and it rained the whole time. The WHOLE time. After mile 1 I seriously questioned my decision to do a 5k with no preparation. After mile 2 I thought we were never going to see the finish line. And after mile 3 I was hooked!
Also, since ovarian and breast cancer are linked through the BRCA gene mutations, I was expecting to see lots of teal and pink and "I walk for me" "I walk for my sister" kinds of shirts. I was so excited to finally find "my community" and not feel so alone in this post-cancer journey. I even found a shirt I was planning on buying and wearing. But alas, cancer is expensive and I didn't have the funds to buy it.
 |
| Cute, right? You can get the ribbon on the left or the right side. I found it here, but at the time of this post, the link isn't working. |
As we pulled in the parking lot, the rain that had been off and on all day, was back on. I lamented that I didn't have the "something missing" shirt so that "my community" could easily identify me as one of them and we could do the "what's up" head nod or whatever it is people in the cancer club do, but I did go without the "first form." I eagerly looked around the crowd for the teal and pink...
...but I couldn't identify anyone as having had ovarian or breast or any other type of cancer. Not to say they weren't there, but there wasn't anyone wearing a "I wear teal for me" shirt, etc. Of course, neither was I. And boy was I glad I wasn't wearing the "something missing" shirt because I would have stuck out like a sore thumb. As more time passes, I will probably be okay with that. But as of right now, I just don't want to be "that poor girl who had cancer." I am guessing "my community" is out there, but stayed home because of the rain.
Anyways, the race was delayed due to thunder and lightening, and it rained the whole time. The WHOLE time. After mile 1 I seriously questioned my decision to do a 5k with no preparation. After mile 2 I thought we were never going to see the finish line. And after mile 3 I was hooked!
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| Me (doing the tall girl slouch & head tilt) and my dad. |
Monday, May 27, 2013
Pity, Party of One
I'm back! I would apologize for not writing in so long, but the truth is I have been writing several posts - I just get too tired to finish them. There have been 200 hits on my blog since my last post, so I can't keep you waiting any longer! Upcoming posts include, I ran walked a 5k for ovarian cancer awareness, I have the pink ribbon blues, my thoughts on being one-breasted and night drinking recipes to share.
But in the meantime, I am having a pity party. I didn't throw myself a pity party. In fact, I've been desperately avoiding said pity party because I know I have so much to be grateful for, but surprise! Pity has thrown me a party anyways. The whole impact of the "lost a breast to cancer" is hitting me full force. Sometimes it's the cancer thing, sometimes it's the breast asymmetry thing, sometimes it's all rolled together.
My face is completely broken out as my body is in turmoil after going off the birth control pill. I am more broken out now that I ever, ever was as a teenager.
I have ringworm. One patch of scaly skin comes to mind, right? Well I am up to like 30 patches of ringworm. Not. Cute. I got one little patch of ringworm from a client at work on my neck, and thinking it was the aforementioned acne, didn't treat it for two weeks, and then BOOM! It's everywhere! What the hell is wrong with me that I have a ringworm epidemic?! I have so many new spots appearing that I went to the doctor to go on the oral medication. And since the fungal spores can still be active or whatever the word is for the next 2-4 weeks, I am having to wash everything I come in contact with - sheets, clothes, towels, pillows - in hot water and bleach and let it sit in the soak cycle so the detergent will break down the spores. Every. Day. That makes for a whole lot of laundry when you can only wear pajama bottoms once or use a towel once. And don't forget I only have one bra until August, so every night I either spray it down anti-fungal spray or go through the whole new crazy laundry routine. Other than the original spot on my neck, all the spots are on my torso. I think the most likely scenario is that when I was drying off the ringworm got on my towel, and I spread it everywhere over the next couple of days until I changed my towel. But I still keep blaming my health, since ringworm happens to immuno-suppressed people. Am I not taking care of myself well enough? What the hell is happening?!!?
I've lost 15 pounds since I was fit for the post-mastectomy bra, so now my one breast doesn't fill out the cup and the cup collapses on itself and it looks like my one real breast is square. It's a bad day with the "first form" looks better than my real breast. I end up being really self-conscious if I wear anything tight (like my tank tops). This damn post-mastectomy bra just might be more disfiguring than my new natural silhouette. At least then it's "huh, she's only got one breast" instead of "those are some weird square boobs she's got."
I am literally and figuratively shit on at work.
Like a pubescent boy I catch myself staring at any exposed cleavage I see. But unlike a pubescent boy, I am so filled with jealousy. I wish I could just throw on an outfit. I wish I could wear a cute sundress. The jealousy, it rages. Money is too tight and I can't go buy any new clothes for this body, so instead I am very awkwardly trying to make my clothes work which makes me look like one of those "modest is hottest" women with all my weird layers of clothing.
I rearranged my work schedule - which was not easy - so I could attend the local support group for women with breast cancer, only to find that it had been canceled for this month.
In summation, I am a pimply-faced, ringworm-covered, square-boobed, awkardly-conservatively-dressed, green-eyed monster who just wants to scream to the world, "give me a fucking break, I just had fucking cancer!!!!!" But there is no rest for the weary.
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.
But in the meantime, I am having a pity party. I didn't throw myself a pity party. In fact, I've been desperately avoiding said pity party because I know I have so much to be grateful for, but surprise! Pity has thrown me a party anyways. The whole impact of the "lost a breast to cancer" is hitting me full force. Sometimes it's the cancer thing, sometimes it's the breast asymmetry thing, sometimes it's all rolled together.
My face is completely broken out as my body is in turmoil after going off the birth control pill. I am more broken out now that I ever, ever was as a teenager.
I have ringworm. One patch of scaly skin comes to mind, right? Well I am up to like 30 patches of ringworm. Not. Cute. I got one little patch of ringworm from a client at work on my neck, and thinking it was the aforementioned acne, didn't treat it for two weeks, and then BOOM! It's everywhere! What the hell is wrong with me that I have a ringworm epidemic?! I have so many new spots appearing that I went to the doctor to go on the oral medication. And since the fungal spores can still be active or whatever the word is for the next 2-4 weeks, I am having to wash everything I come in contact with - sheets, clothes, towels, pillows - in hot water and bleach and let it sit in the soak cycle so the detergent will break down the spores. Every. Day. That makes for a whole lot of laundry when you can only wear pajama bottoms once or use a towel once. And don't forget I only have one bra until August, so every night I either spray it down anti-fungal spray or go through the whole new crazy laundry routine. Other than the original spot on my neck, all the spots are on my torso. I think the most likely scenario is that when I was drying off the ringworm got on my towel, and I spread it everywhere over the next couple of days until I changed my towel. But I still keep blaming my health, since ringworm happens to immuno-suppressed people. Am I not taking care of myself well enough? What the hell is happening?!!?
I've lost 15 pounds since I was fit for the post-mastectomy bra, so now my one breast doesn't fill out the cup and the cup collapses on itself and it looks like my one real breast is square. It's a bad day with the "first form" looks better than my real breast. I end up being really self-conscious if I wear anything tight (like my tank tops). This damn post-mastectomy bra just might be more disfiguring than my new natural silhouette. At least then it's "huh, she's only got one breast" instead of "those are some weird square boobs she's got."
I am literally and figuratively shit on at work.
Like a pubescent boy I catch myself staring at any exposed cleavage I see. But unlike a pubescent boy, I am so filled with jealousy. I wish I could just throw on an outfit. I wish I could wear a cute sundress. The jealousy, it rages. Money is too tight and I can't go buy any new clothes for this body, so instead I am very awkwardly trying to make my clothes work which makes me look like one of those "modest is hottest" women with all my weird layers of clothing.
I rearranged my work schedule - which was not easy - so I could attend the local support group for women with breast cancer, only to find that it had been canceled for this month.
In summation, I am a pimply-faced, ringworm-covered, square-boobed, awkardly-conservatively-dressed, green-eyed monster who just wants to scream to the world, "give me a fucking break, I just had fucking cancer!!!!!" But there is no rest for the weary.
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Fashion: Tank Tops!
Like a mirage in the desert, I have found tank tops that will fit a Tall Girl AND provide enough coverage to not show the post-mastectomy bra! What?! Looks like someone is going to be showing off some serious clavicle!!
My first "score" was, oddly enough, at the local Target!
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| Mossimo Women's Microrib Tanks! |
I got one in the color shown and a black one. They are plenty long. Like, I am 5'10 1/2" and it covers my entire torso and hips. As long as I don't pull down on it too much, it covers the post-mastectomy bra! I've worn them plain and dressed them up with a light sweater. Target did have lots of summer sweaters and even a little shrug cardigan if you wanted to make sure those ugly post-mastectomy bra straps don't show.
It is low-cut enough that if anyone were able to see down the shirt a little bit (but not very likely - an advantage of being tall!), someone who was really paying attention could probably see breast tissue on one side and flatness on the other. I recently had lunch with a bunch of people I hadn't seen since before the mastectomy and I wore a scarf over the tank top to head off The Look. You know The Look, right? It's the "I just saw you but first I'm going scan your bust and see if I can tell anything is different" look. The scarf over the tank top gave me coverage , but I didn't have that "modest is hotest" thing I've unfortunately been working.
The other tank top score came from a family member! She had surgery a couple of years ago and couldn't wear a bra during recovery, so she bought some of these.
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| Women's Microfiber Full-Coverage Perfect-Fit Cami from Norm Thompson |
Wait!!! I know that picture is...less than flattering shall we say. Is she wearing pajama pants? Can we get her lipstick and some earrings? But bear with me!! This camisole has lightly padded cups with underwire (which my dear family member removed from the mastectomy side for me) and has a bra closure in the back (not visible). I can wear it with the post-mastectomy bra, but of course the straps show, so I could wear it as a nice base layer. BUT, because this thing has a bra in it and is full-coverage, I put my "first form" in the cup and just wear the camisole sans post-mastectomy bra. I have your attention now, right?! The two that I have are hand-me-downs, and I assume they've been dried in the dryer countless times (we tall girls line dry everything, amirite?), and they hit me right in that zone of just barely being long enough but am probably going to tug at all the time to make sure. After I order my own, I'll report back on the length. You order them according to your bra size, and they are also available in cotton.
Have you found any full-coverage tank tops? Do you obsessively line dry everything, too? How do you handle The Look?
Recipe: Day Drinking
What is Day Drinking, you may ask? Day Drinks consist of beverages that you can pour in a water bottle and take with you to work. Day Drinking is different than Night Drinking (think mocktails) and should not be confused with Day or Night Dranking (alcoholic). Since we're all about cancer prevention, we're avoiding soda, artificial colors, artificial preservatives and "natural flavors."
Day Drinking is important. We all know we should drink eight glasses of fluid a day. Remember a hydrated body is one that is flushing toxins OUT. So let's step up the Day Drinking!
Fortunately - and unfortunately - I have a lot of experience with Day Drinking. I have never had a job with air conditioning. Never. Annnnnd I live in the South. Over the last nine sweltering, dehydrating, heat-related illness-ing summers, I've learned that if I pack a water bottle (or three) with just water, I will only drink from it if I'm really super thirsty. Otherwise, meh. Water is boring. Here's what I do to make things more interesting:
Fruit-infused water or homemade vitamin water
There is no need to buy pricey, chemical-y vitamin water. You can make your own! Vitamins are water soluable, so by adding fruit or even vegetables or herbs to your water, you can make a nutritious and delicious Day Drink!
Pinterest is full of recipes for fruit-infused water, but really, this is not one of things that you need a recipe for, I promise you. Be like fellow tall girl, Julia Child and have no fear! This is what you do:
1. Grab a pitcher or wide-mouthed water bottle,
2. Add one or more of your favorite fruits, cut up. Herbs and vegetables are options, too,
3. Add water,
4. Let sit overnight in the fridge.
I throw in there whatever I have around the house that sounds interesting (or needs to be used up). Some combinations I've done are strawberries & lemon & mint, orange & lemon & lime, orange & cucumber & mint, and just plain pineapple (which is probably to date my favorite).
Sometimes there will be misses. This week I made apple cucumber mint water. Sounds pretty good, right? It smelled good, too. But the apples turned brown in the water and that grossed me out, so it all went down the sink. And to that I say, "oh well!" I'm out like 65 cents. Next time I'll make apple mint water with a bit of lemon.
Tea
Being a southern gal, sweet tea is always a great choice! Sometimes I brew it with mint and/or lemon balm. Sometimes I brew it with a bag of chai tea. Some people (not me!) like tea with lemon or orange or even peaches.
Green tea is also a good option. Again, you can add fruit or mint or my personal favorite: ginger.
Fruit juice
If you're buying organic or 100% juice, it can add up quickly. Plus, drinking large quantities of juice goes from refreshing to sugar overload pretty quickly. Too much juice burns my throat.
I like to make water bottles filled 1/4 with fruit juice and 3/4 water. You still get the flavor of the juice, but it's not so overwhelming.
You can also cut tea with fruit juice. I tend to go more with a 1/2 and 1/2 ratio here, and I especially enjoy cranberry juice with sweet tea or green tea, but you could try any combination. The Arnold Palmer of 1/2 tea 1/2 lemonade is an obvious choice. Grape juice and green tea.
So go be that tall drink of water that you are, and enjoy one too!
Are you a big Day Drinker? What are your go-to Day Drinks? Would you have drunken the brown apple water?
Day Drinking is important. We all know we should drink eight glasses of fluid a day. Remember a hydrated body is one that is flushing toxins OUT. So let's step up the Day Drinking!
Fortunately - and unfortunately - I have a lot of experience with Day Drinking. I have never had a job with air conditioning. Never. Annnnnd I live in the South. Over the last nine sweltering, dehydrating, heat-related illness-ing summers, I've learned that if I pack a water bottle (or three) with just water, I will only drink from it if I'm really super thirsty. Otherwise, meh. Water is boring. Here's what I do to make things more interesting:
Fruit-infused water or homemade vitamin water
There is no need to buy pricey, chemical-y vitamin water. You can make your own! Vitamins are water soluable, so by adding fruit or even vegetables or herbs to your water, you can make a nutritious and delicious Day Drink!
Pinterest is full of recipes for fruit-infused water, but really, this is not one of things that you need a recipe for, I promise you. Be like fellow tall girl, Julia Child and have no fear! This is what you do:
1. Grab a pitcher or wide-mouthed water bottle,
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| I have a fruit infusion pitcher, but you could use anything |
2. Add one or more of your favorite fruits, cut up. Herbs and vegetables are options, too,
3. Add water,
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| My pitcher of sunshine! Half of a lemon & half of an orange |
4. Let sit overnight in the fridge.
 |
| Sometimes you'll have fun colors! This is frozen blueberries, one pickling cucumber , one sprig each of mint and lemon balm |
I throw in there whatever I have around the house that sounds interesting (or needs to be used up). Some combinations I've done are strawberries & lemon & mint, orange & lemon & lime, orange & cucumber & mint, and just plain pineapple (which is probably to date my favorite).
Sometimes there will be misses. This week I made apple cucumber mint water. Sounds pretty good, right? It smelled good, too. But the apples turned brown in the water and that grossed me out, so it all went down the sink. And to that I say, "oh well!" I'm out like 65 cents. Next time I'll make apple mint water with a bit of lemon.
Tea
Being a southern gal, sweet tea is always a great choice! Sometimes I brew it with mint and/or lemon balm. Sometimes I brew it with a bag of chai tea. Some people (not me!) like tea with lemon or orange or even peaches.
Green tea is also a good option. Again, you can add fruit or mint or my personal favorite: ginger.
Fruit juice
If you're buying organic or 100% juice, it can add up quickly. Plus, drinking large quantities of juice goes from refreshing to sugar overload pretty quickly. Too much juice burns my throat.
I like to make water bottles filled 1/4 with fruit juice and 3/4 water. You still get the flavor of the juice, but it's not so overwhelming.
You can also cut tea with fruit juice. I tend to go more with a 1/2 and 1/2 ratio here, and I especially enjoy cranberry juice with sweet tea or green tea, but you could try any combination. The Arnold Palmer of 1/2 tea 1/2 lemonade is an obvious choice. Grape juice and green tea.
So go be that tall drink of water that you are, and enjoy one too!
Are you a big Day Drinker? What are your go-to Day Drinks? Would you have drunken the brown apple water?
Survivor Sunday Song: Oh My God (Find A Cure)
Time to crank up the volume and sing Ida Maria's "Oh My God" - heard on The Big C. It will be stuck in your head all week. You're welcome.
Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. ~Emory Austin
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Survivor Sunday Song: Carry On
If you're not familiar with this song, using some creative ellispses with the lyrics, I'll show you why you'll be singing "Carry On" at the top of your lungs!
...But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times, I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you want of me
If you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone,
Carry on
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground and
Carry on
...'Cause we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we're miles away
So we'll come, we will find our way home
If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground and
Carry on
(No one's ever gonna stop us now)
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| T-Shirt Design on Threadrock.com |
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| Also acceptable. Image sourced back to here |
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| Greeting card on Laughing Abi Studio's Etsy Shop |
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| It happens. Image found here |
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| And fight we will!! Keep Calm-O-Matic |
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Genetic counseling
Every appointment with my oncologic surgeon has ended with, "and we'd really like for you to have genetic testing." And, from his perspective, I get it. It's weird that I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 31. My mom had ovarian cancer. Knowledge is power. Blah, blah, blah. I was originally reluctant to consent to the testing because a) I didn't think there was a strong family history of cancer, b) from here on out I'll be having annual mammograms anyways and c) how do you mentally process getting a positive result from the genetic testing?
Turns out there's this thing called genetic counseling!! I live in a town with a university and a medical school, so I had an appointment within days of requesting genetic counseling and a mere ten minute drive from my house. I imagine genetic counseling isn't as easy for everyone to come by, but I do recommend it if you're likewise hesitant about genetic testing.
I wasn't really sure what to expect at the appointment. Are they going to draw blood? How much family history do I need to know? Ever since this whole cancer thing started doctor's appointments are so much scarier. You have no idea what to expect at the appointment (exams, testing, etc) plus you're scared to death of what they're going to say. I've learned to call ahead and just ask the first person who answers the phone what to expect. It goes something like this:
"Hello this is Scary Doctor's Office."
"Hi, I have my first appointment with Scary Doctor on Tuesday and I just wondering what I could expect."
It works really well! In this case I found out that I could have the genetic testing done from a blood test or cheek swab following genetic counseling if I wanted.
At the appointment with the genetic counselor, she started by making a family tree making little circles and squares reminiscent of ninth grade biology. First she drew me, my parents and my siblings. Then she drew my mom's sister and her kids. Then she went up to my mom's parents and their siblings and children. Then she repeated on my dad's side, so she went as far back as my grandparents and my parents' first cousins. She made notes of everyone's age, if anyone had been diagnosed with cancer and wanted to know the cause of death of anyone not living and their age when they died.
Once she was done with the genetic family tree diagram, she went through a slideshow of sorts about the BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene mutations. I could tell you all about it, but maybe should leave this subject to the experts. You can read a comprehensive fact sheet about gene mutations and genetic testing here that pretty closely follows what I learned from the geneticist. But be warned, there is an unfortunate word choice: deleterious. Good word, bad place to use it. And/or you can read a more user-friendly yet less in depth summary here.
After reviewing my family's history of cancer, she plugged in the information into a computer model which showed that I have a 51% chance of having a BRCA gene mutation.
When my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, there was talk of genetic testing. She did not have the test, as the only other person in her family with a cancer in the BRCA gene family was her first cousin on her dad's side (although we know now the BRCA gene can be passed from the mother or the father). Had she had the test, and had she tested positive, I had already decided that I would not have gone for testing. I didn't want to know! I thought I could some how bring cancer upon myself. Ah, the irony.
Now I say, "bring it on!" I would like to know that there's nothing I did and nothing I didn't do that resulting in my having breast cancer at 31, because I'm driving myself crazy worrying if I ate too much ramen noodles or should have worn gloves when washing dishes or shouldn't have reheated leftovers in plastic containers.
The genetic counselor went on to explain that employers and health insurance companies cannot legally discriminate based on a positive BRCA gene mutation test...but life insurance policies can. It's debatable how much my husband and I really need life insurance (ah, the luxuries of having and making no money) and it's questionable whether we could even get life insurance with my diagnosis. But that door will be firmly closed if I test positive for a BRCA gene mutation, so I'm going to see if we can get a policy that will cover our meager needs and then go for testing.
For the genetic testing, all I have to do is call ahead and say I'm coming, and then they'll either take a blood sample or do a cheek swab (cheek swab all the way!!) and in 2-3 weeks I'll have my answer. Or, if it's negative, I won't have my answer.
The test itself is about $3500, but most insurance companies will cover it. The one company that does the testing (they have a monopoly and can charge whatever they like) will first see what your insurance will cover, and if your part exceeds $350 I think it is, then they'll call and get your consent before moving forward with the testing.
My oncologic surgeon has explained that if I do test positive, the only thing that changes is the timing of cancer prevention. Since my breasts have demonstrated the ability to produce cancer, my right breast's days are numbered anyways, but if I have a BRCA gene mutation then "Rightie" will definitely be removed by the time I'm 40. I had an ovary removed two years ago due to a dermoid cyst (as devastating as it was to lose an ovary at 29, that's a pretty awesome reason! It even had teeth!!), so again if I test positive, then my one remaining ovary will be removed once I'm done with it.
I found genetic counseling to be empowering. Instead of all this stuff happening TO me, I finally get to make a decision about my health moving forward. Definitely check it out!
Turns out there's this thing called genetic counseling!! I live in a town with a university and a medical school, so I had an appointment within days of requesting genetic counseling and a mere ten minute drive from my house. I imagine genetic counseling isn't as easy for everyone to come by, but I do recommend it if you're likewise hesitant about genetic testing.
I wasn't really sure what to expect at the appointment. Are they going to draw blood? How much family history do I need to know? Ever since this whole cancer thing started doctor's appointments are so much scarier. You have no idea what to expect at the appointment (exams, testing, etc) plus you're scared to death of what they're going to say. I've learned to call ahead and just ask the first person who answers the phone what to expect. It goes something like this:
"Hello this is Scary Doctor's Office."
"Hi, I have my first appointment with Scary Doctor on Tuesday and I just wondering what I could expect."
It works really well! In this case I found out that I could have the genetic testing done from a blood test or cheek swab following genetic counseling if I wanted.
At the appointment with the genetic counselor, she started by making a family tree making little circles and squares reminiscent of ninth grade biology. First she drew me, my parents and my siblings. Then she drew my mom's sister and her kids. Then she went up to my mom's parents and their siblings and children. Then she repeated on my dad's side, so she went as far back as my grandparents and my parents' first cousins. She made notes of everyone's age, if anyone had been diagnosed with cancer and wanted to know the cause of death of anyone not living and their age when they died.
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| The genetic counselor makes little family history art projects like this one! |
After reviewing my family's history of cancer, she plugged in the information into a computer model which showed that I have a 51% chance of having a BRCA gene mutation.
When my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, there was talk of genetic testing. She did not have the test, as the only other person in her family with a cancer in the BRCA gene family was her first cousin on her dad's side (although we know now the BRCA gene can be passed from the mother or the father). Had she had the test, and had she tested positive, I had already decided that I would not have gone for testing. I didn't want to know! I thought I could some how bring cancer upon myself. Ah, the irony.
Now I say, "bring it on!" I would like to know that there's nothing I did and nothing I didn't do that resulting in my having breast cancer at 31, because I'm driving myself crazy worrying if I ate too much ramen noodles or should have worn gloves when washing dishes or shouldn't have reheated leftovers in plastic containers.
The genetic counselor went on to explain that employers and health insurance companies cannot legally discriminate based on a positive BRCA gene mutation test...but life insurance policies can. It's debatable how much my husband and I really need life insurance (ah, the luxuries of having and making no money) and it's questionable whether we could even get life insurance with my diagnosis. But that door will be firmly closed if I test positive for a BRCA gene mutation, so I'm going to see if we can get a policy that will cover our meager needs and then go for testing.
For the genetic testing, all I have to do is call ahead and say I'm coming, and then they'll either take a blood sample or do a cheek swab (cheek swab all the way!!) and in 2-3 weeks I'll have my answer. Or, if it's negative, I won't have my answer.
The test itself is about $3500, but most insurance companies will cover it. The one company that does the testing (they have a monopoly and can charge whatever they like) will first see what your insurance will cover, and if your part exceeds $350 I think it is, then they'll call and get your consent before moving forward with the testing.
My oncologic surgeon has explained that if I do test positive, the only thing that changes is the timing of cancer prevention. Since my breasts have demonstrated the ability to produce cancer, my right breast's days are numbered anyways, but if I have a BRCA gene mutation then "Rightie" will definitely be removed by the time I'm 40. I had an ovary removed two years ago due to a dermoid cyst (as devastating as it was to lose an ovary at 29, that's a pretty awesome reason! It even had teeth!!), so again if I test positive, then my one remaining ovary will be removed once I'm done with it.
I found genetic counseling to be empowering. Instead of all this stuff happening TO me, I finally get to make a decision about my health moving forward. Definitely check it out!
Monday, April 15, 2013
What's up with the rib cage?
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| Hello, Left Rib Cage! What are you doing? |
But it wasn't long until fear of metastasizing breast cancer crept into my mind. Most people don't feel DCIS, but I did. Most people don't have an 8cm tumor, but I did. I don't know what the likelihood of having an immediate reoccurence is, but this is cancer and anything goes.
Every couple of days I would compare my the bottom of my left rib cage to the right. I would push on the left and feel hardness, not swelling or fluid squishiness. I debated my next course of action.
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| My view - plus a dog arm |
I was so swift in calling the doctor when I found IT but now I floundered on what to do. I had already called my oncologist's office once before the mastectomy after I had bumped in to something causing pain radiating in my tumor-filled breast. I was worried the tumor had popped, cancer was spilling out everywhere, and now I would need chemotherapy. The nurse on the other end tried to patiently calm me down, but I could tell from her tone of voice she thought I was ridiculous. Evidently you can't pop a cancer tumor. Even if you run into a file box.
Anywho, I waited impatiently for my medical oncology appointment where I could ask debatably silly questions to an unsuspecting new doctor. My opportunity came last week.
The medical oncologist - whom I LOVE - said it's not uncommon for this to happen, that sometimes "your weight shifts and follows the path of least resistance." I have no idea what that means. All I heard was "no we're not sending you to radiology because you might have bone cancer."
Evidently it happens more often in larger women, but hey, why not me, too?!
She also said I had nice skin. Don't really know what to make of that last part. My husband says, "I guess she likes the pasty look."
Is your rib cage wonky? Did you ever call the doctor with important but maybe silly questions?
Not hungry? Me neither!
Since my mastectomy five weeks ago, I have not been hungry. For the first several weeks I was probably only eating the equivalent of one meal a day and even now I'm only up to eating two meals a day. I just don't feel like eating. Nothing seems appetizing. And when I do eat, I can only manage a few bites before my body says, "no more!" I bring a bite of food to my lips but I just can't put it in my mouth. Attempts to force myself to eat result in my spitting the food out into the trash. I don't feel full or nauseated...I just don't have an appetite.
This has, of course, been of some concern, both to me and my loved ones. I associate such a marked lack of appetite with extreme stress or even depression. But I don't feel stressed or depressed. I think I've actually been handling this cancer stuff pretty well, considering!
A lady I work with had a double mastectomy. Her mother died when she was just 49, so she had a double mastectomy in her 40s as a precaution - not because she had received a cancer diagnosis. After lifting up her shirt and showing me her scars (that was actually pretty cool) she mentioned she didn't have an appetite for about a month after her surgery. Aha!! So I'm not the only one!
According to the Mayo Clinic,
"the stress of surgery and follow-up care can depress the appetite, alter the taste of food and make it difficult to eat and digest food, sometimes for weeks or months. In fact, most people lose 5 to 10 percent of their body weight after a major surgery because of poor appetite and increased nutrition needed for healing"
I met with the medical oncologist last week and she commented on her examination of my mastectomy that there was still some fluid build-up. Evidently my mind and body are on the same page: we're both mourning the loss of my left breast and still trying to figure out what to do without it.
And in a move that seems downright just not fair, the resulting weight loss from my lack of appetite means that my right breast doesn't fill out my post-mastectomy bra as well as it did. Now the right cup is collapsing on itself a little bit, as opposed to the "first form" (I still think think that's a ridiculous name) on the left, so I have some breast asymmetry going on. Wait - does this mean instead of having my "fat jeans" and my "skinny jeans" I'll have my "fat prosthetic" and my "skinny prosthetic?!?!"
So if lack of appetite/food not tasting right is normal after major surgery, it is especially hard when your mind is spinning from learning which foods are "safe" and which foods you should avoid.
The grocery store used to be full of ingredients begging for me to buy them and turn them into meals or, better yet, desserts! Now the grocery store is a scary place!
First there's the produce section. Wait, I read somewhere that thin-skinned produce is more toxic.
Then there's the wine section. Just keep on walking.
Then there are the dry goods. Ack! Look at all these processed foods!
Then there's the dairy aisle. Do they make organic cheese?
I walk the entire store in anguish trying to remember what's on the "good list," what's on the "bad list" and trying to decide if I really want to pay $5.39 for a quart of organic cherry juice (I did...and you should not! Bleck!).
Pause for a little pep talk. Eating something, even if it's on the "bad list," is a better option than eating nothing.
Then I walk the store again and end up with a conglomeration of foods I will eat, and foods I think I should eat. Organic apples, pickles, almonds, oreos, organic cheese (it does exist!), cheez-its, the aforementioned organic black cherry juice, a bottle of white zinfandel. There are no proper meals, just a crazy series of snacks.
To that end, for dinner I had triscuits topped with organic cheese, dipped in organic salsa, then two bread & butter pickles, three olives, and finally fruit dipped in a ganache I made with dark chocolate and organic milk. With a glass of gross organic black cherry juice that is still half full. But it's progress.
Has your appetite disappeared, too? Is going grocery shopping an event for you? What crazy little meals have you made for yourself?
This has, of course, been of some concern, both to me and my loved ones. I associate such a marked lack of appetite with extreme stress or even depression. But I don't feel stressed or depressed. I think I've actually been handling this cancer stuff pretty well, considering!
A lady I work with had a double mastectomy. Her mother died when she was just 49, so she had a double mastectomy in her 40s as a precaution - not because she had received a cancer diagnosis. After lifting up her shirt and showing me her scars (that was actually pretty cool) she mentioned she didn't have an appetite for about a month after her surgery. Aha!! So I'm not the only one!
According to the Mayo Clinic,
"the stress of surgery and follow-up care can depress the appetite, alter the taste of food and make it difficult to eat and digest food, sometimes for weeks or months. In fact, most people lose 5 to 10 percent of their body weight after a major surgery because of poor appetite and increased nutrition needed for healing"
I met with the medical oncologist last week and she commented on her examination of my mastectomy that there was still some fluid build-up. Evidently my mind and body are on the same page: we're both mourning the loss of my left breast and still trying to figure out what to do without it.
And in a move that seems downright just not fair, the resulting weight loss from my lack of appetite means that my right breast doesn't fill out my post-mastectomy bra as well as it did. Now the right cup is collapsing on itself a little bit, as opposed to the "first form" (I still think think that's a ridiculous name) on the left, so I have some breast asymmetry going on. Wait - does this mean instead of having my "fat jeans" and my "skinny jeans" I'll have my "fat prosthetic" and my "skinny prosthetic?!?!"
So if lack of appetite/food not tasting right is normal after major surgery, it is especially hard when your mind is spinning from learning which foods are "safe" and which foods you should avoid.
The grocery store used to be full of ingredients begging for me to buy them and turn them into meals or, better yet, desserts! Now the grocery store is a scary place!
First there's the produce section. Wait, I read somewhere that thin-skinned produce is more toxic.
Then there's the wine section. Just keep on walking.
Then there are the dry goods. Ack! Look at all these processed foods!
Then there's the dairy aisle. Do they make organic cheese?
I walk the entire store in anguish trying to remember what's on the "good list," what's on the "bad list" and trying to decide if I really want to pay $5.39 for a quart of organic cherry juice (I did...and you should not! Bleck!).
Pause for a little pep talk. Eating something, even if it's on the "bad list," is a better option than eating nothing.
Then I walk the store again and end up with a conglomeration of foods I will eat, and foods I think I should eat. Organic apples, pickles, almonds, oreos, organic cheese (it does exist!), cheez-its, the aforementioned organic black cherry juice, a bottle of white zinfandel. There are no proper meals, just a crazy series of snacks.
To that end, for dinner I had triscuits topped with organic cheese, dipped in organic salsa, then two bread & butter pickles, three olives, and finally fruit dipped in a ganache I made with dark chocolate and organic milk. With a glass of gross organic black cherry juice that is still half full. But it's progress.
Has your appetite disappeared, too? Is going grocery shopping an event for you? What crazy little meals have you made for yourself?
Sunday, April 14, 2013
A neu diagnosis
In a weird turn of events, I had been told in error that my cancer was triple negative. In fact, my cancer was HER2/neu positive. A little odd, but a diagnosis of HER2/neu sounds much more positive (just a little medical humor there).
Saturday, April 6, 2013
So now what?
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I spent hours on the internet looking for answers as to what causes cancer and how I could have it. And the answer is...no idea! Yay! That's not scary at all!
Since I had a mastectomy and the pathology showed they got all of it, presumably I no longer have cancer. We still worry though, right? Those "what ifs" drive us crazy!
Iwent through am still in a phase where the world seems like a scary, carcinogenic world from shampoo to dryer sheets to microwaveable lunches to genetically modified produce to tap water to flame retardant upholstery. Then when I started to research what I could do to fight cancer and to prevent cancer, I found the information varies wildly and even contradicts itself! What's a tall girl to do?! What I can't do is stay paralyzed in fear. It's time to take control over the things I can take control over and leave it at that.
The American Institute for Cancer Research has 10 Recommendations for Cancer Prevention. Ten is a little much, right? I think they all boil down to three, and three is much easier to keep up with than ten anyways!
1. Eat a plant-based diet
Not too bad, right? Not totally life-altering. We can cut back on the meat and up the veggies, fruit, whole grains and legumes. Except all those yummy recipes on pinterest are full of meat!
2. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day (ugggghhhhhh!!!!)
I have a very active job, so I always considered work to be my work out. I suppose now I have to get more serious about exercising. Thirty minutes a day doesn't sound like a lot, right? But what do you do every single day for thirty minutes?
3. Limit alcohol intake to 1 drink or less a day. That's not an average - you can't save them up. You can't skip one day and have two glasses of wine the next day. Nope! Just one or less alcoholic beverages per day (double ugggghhhh!!!!). Did I mention my husband owns a bar?
I've been mulling over these recommendations for a few weeks now, and I find all of it a lot easier said than done. So I'll be sharing recipes, exercise tips, mocktails and fashion advice for dressing this new body and we'll get through this together!
Since I had a mastectomy and the pathology showed they got all of it, presumably I no longer have cancer. We still worry though, right? Those "what ifs" drive us crazy!
I
The American Institute for Cancer Research has 10 Recommendations for Cancer Prevention. Ten is a little much, right? I think they all boil down to three, and three is much easier to keep up with than ten anyways!
1. Eat a plant-based diet
Not too bad, right? Not totally life-altering. We can cut back on the meat and up the veggies, fruit, whole grains and legumes. Except all those yummy recipes on pinterest are full of meat!
2. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day (ugggghhhhhh!!!!)
I have a very active job, so I always considered work to be my work out. I suppose now I have to get more serious about exercising. Thirty minutes a day doesn't sound like a lot, right? But what do you do every single day for thirty minutes?
3. Limit alcohol intake to 1 drink or less a day. That's not an average - you can't save them up. You can't skip one day and have two glasses of wine the next day. Nope! Just one or less alcoholic beverages per day (double ugggghhhh!!!!). Did I mention my husband owns a bar?
I've been mulling over these recommendations for a few weeks now, and I find all of it a lot easier said than done. So I'll be sharing recipes, exercise tips, mocktails and fashion advice for dressing this new body and we'll get through this together!
Friday, March 29, 2013
How do you dress this new body?
Before the mastectomy, I thought the surgery wouldn't really affect my wardrobe. My game plan was to use accessories. Scarves and chunky necklaces could hide a scar (and they are one size fits all!), and big earrings and brightly colored shoes could bring attention away from my bust line.
Little did I know what was in store for me in the form of the post-mastectomy bra. UGH. Now, I am no stranger to the push up bra, nor to stuffing my bra, but this post-mastectomy bra really takes the cake. I feel like my breasts (one real one, one "first form") are very high and coming to choke me. And the bra itself is massive. Thick straps. Enormous cups to hold the "first form" in place. A huge band with two clasps in the back (and I won't lie, it was always a weird point of pride that I could wear a dainty one clasp bra). This is the biggest bra I have ever owned. And it's so large that only a small amount of neckline can be shown. Forget v-neck, or anything scoop neck or boat neck...it's all out the window. It's crew necks only for now. Good thing I have sexy clavicles (that's snark in case you don't recognize it).
Can I just stop a moment and say it really sucks to lose a breast. It's a loss of femininity, a loss of sensuality, a loss of just being normal! Add to those feelings of loss not being able to wear my clothes (I always thought I was a boring prudish dresser - who knew I had such revealing clothes!). Add on those feelings of feeling inadequate as a woman and wife not being able to wear anything but t-shirts. It's being hit while you're down. I feel and look like half a woman, and I can't even wear my cute tops?
I went to Target two weeks after my mastectomy. When I first walked in and saw the cute bikinis on display, I knew it was going to be hard to get in and out and not have a breakdown. Somehow I got the bright idea to actually look at their clothes to see if they had any nice up-to-your clavicles clothes (which is completely ridiculous considering they NEVER have anything that will fit a tall girl), and it ended up in my going around looking at all things I can't wear (the Easter dresses were so cute! And so low cut!). And then that lead to the great idea to look to see if they have any girlie yet modest nighties (they don't - they all have cups). And then that lead to my walking around looking at all the bras. I've never looked at Target bras before. Why I had to look at them now when I have zero chance of wearing one is beyond me. But I did do it all with no tears, no pity parties, and so will you.
Anyone who has any issue with breast asymmetry, or anyone who loves someone with breast asymmetry, needs to immediately bow down to the fashion gods and thank them for Chikara Design. Please, please, take a moment to peruse her site. Note how she doesn't try to draw attention elsewhere - she actually brings attention to the bust! Her clothes are so feminine! Using Chikara as my guide, I'm going to figure out how to dress this new body! And I'll be posting what I find - all in Talls of course!
What tips do you have for dressing your new body? Do you feel like the post-mastectomy bra is choking you, too? Do you feel like you're really showing some skin if you find a clavicle-revealing top? Do you LOVE Chikara like I do? What are your favorite shops for us tall girls?
Little did I know what was in store for me in the form of the post-mastectomy bra. UGH. Now, I am no stranger to the push up bra, nor to stuffing my bra, but this post-mastectomy bra really takes the cake. I feel like my breasts (one real one, one "first form") are very high and coming to choke me. And the bra itself is massive. Thick straps. Enormous cups to hold the "first form" in place. A huge band with two clasps in the back (and I won't lie, it was always a weird point of pride that I could wear a dainty one clasp bra). This is the biggest bra I have ever owned. And it's so large that only a small amount of neckline can be shown. Forget v-neck, or anything scoop neck or boat neck...it's all out the window. It's crew necks only for now. Good thing I have sexy clavicles (that's snark in case you don't recognize it).
I'm coming to strangle you!
Can I just stop a moment and say it really sucks to lose a breast. It's a loss of femininity, a loss of sensuality, a loss of just being normal! Add to those feelings of loss not being able to wear my clothes (I always thought I was a boring prudish dresser - who knew I had such revealing clothes!). Add on those feelings of feeling inadequate as a woman and wife not being able to wear anything but t-shirts. It's being hit while you're down. I feel and look like half a woman, and I can't even wear my cute tops?
I went to Target two weeks after my mastectomy. When I first walked in and saw the cute bikinis on display, I knew it was going to be hard to get in and out and not have a breakdown. Somehow I got the bright idea to actually look at their clothes to see if they had any nice up-to-your clavicles clothes (which is completely ridiculous considering they NEVER have anything that will fit a tall girl), and it ended up in my going around looking at all things I can't wear (the Easter dresses were so cute! And so low cut!). And then that lead to the great idea to look to see if they have any girlie yet modest nighties (they don't - they all have cups). And then that lead to my walking around looking at all the bras. I've never looked at Target bras before. Why I had to look at them now when I have zero chance of wearing one is beyond me. But I did do it all with no tears, no pity parties, and so will you.
Anyone who has any issue with breast asymmetry, or anyone who loves someone with breast asymmetry, needs to immediately bow down to the fashion gods and thank them for Chikara Design. Please, please, take a moment to peruse her site. Note how she doesn't try to draw attention elsewhere - she actually brings attention to the bust! Her clothes are so feminine! Using Chikara as my guide, I'm going to figure out how to dress this new body! And I'll be posting what I find - all in Talls of course!
What tips do you have for dressing your new body? Do you feel like the post-mastectomy bra is choking you, too? Do you feel like you're really showing some skin if you find a clavicle-revealing top? Do you LOVE Chikara like I do? What are your favorite shops for us tall girls?
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